I've never been very good at dating. All through my twenties, I was the woman who chose Mr. Wrong. Although my girlfriends kept warning me he was Mr. Wrong, I didn't listen.

You know the kind of guy I'm talking about: He goes into a rage when another driver cuts him off, he's evicted for not paying rent or he drinks too much.

Fortunately, single motherhood has changed all of this. As the 34-year-old mom of a seven-year-old daughter, it's not just about me anymore. Sure, I want to get out there and have fun, but this isn't Frisbee. I'm serious about looking for my life partner: a loving man who's in it for the long haul.

It wasn't like I never saw the red flags before. Of course they were waving — I just ignored them. I used to be so unsophisticated when it came to men, going along for the ride even though I knew I'd never get anywhere. It's hard to admit now that I chose men for their looks and fun factor, even if they had bad habits.

Dating as a single mom, however, is my first real life lesson in love. Now that the stakes are so high, I'm looking for red flags and obeying them. Then running like heck when I see one. Here are some red flags that are no-brainers for me:

  • He doesn't like kids. (Duh!)
  • He's separated from his wife, but not divorced (yet).
  • He smokes. I've had men ask me, "Do you just mean tobacco?" No, dude, I mean anything you light up.
  • He has never been in a long-term relationship — meaning at least two years.
  • He's too touchy-feely on the first date.


So, what are you absolute about? Make a list. If you're willing, please send it to me. You'll probably inspire me to add a few more red flags to my own.

      Rachel Sarah is the single mom of seven-year-old Mae. Her dating memoir, "Single Mom Seeking: Playdates, Blind Dates and Other Dispatches From the Dating World," was published this year. Visit her at singlemomseeking.com.